it was during my National Diploma… I was writing my WAEC exams and had to resume school early because of biology practicals.
My dad dropped me off at the car park and waited for the vehicle to be full, but he had to leave because of the business meetings he wanted to catch up with.
As soon as i got to school, i dialed my Dad’s number and for the first time in my Life, his phone was switched off.
That came as a shock to me because my dad is that kind of person you could call at 1am and you’re sure he’ll pick up the phone… He had extra fully charged batteries for his Nokia Phone. He believed that life is not perfect and emergencies can happen.
Few hours later i got a call from my elder sister asking me to come back home, and when i asked why, she said…”Popcy is Dead”
My first reaction was outright laughter… I mean, my sister is the most emotional human i know and so i considered her incapable of sharing such bad news… I assumed she was joking.
Today, the 11the of June 2020 makes it exactly 8years since that joke became my reality…its painful to loose a loved one, but it is more painful to loose the Only Bread Winner in the family. Life has not been the same.
Amidst the years of pain & confusion about what to do with my life plus lots of family drama, i am now able to look back at the past and be genuinely grateful for all the beautiful things that the death of my father brought to me.
1. Prioritize Spirituality: My dad was the spiritual priest in our home. He was responsible for dragging everyone out of bed for morning devotions. Honestly, we didnt know how much spiritual covering we had untill he died. He Loved God and enjoyed serving in the church. He never trusted God less, even when he was sick and bed ridden, and his favorite bible story is Elijah and the prophet of baal. He had a way of bringing it into every devotional topic even when there was no obvious connection to the story. His firm resolve has shaped how i respond to confusing life situations. Personally i couldnt understand why i faced some of the things that I’ve been through… But now that i know a little better, i find myself running back to the secret place when I’m lost, confused, scared, heart broken or unmotivated to do necessary task. I come out feeling waayyy better. It works for me everytime.
2. The Lifestyle of contentment: my dad was not perfect (right now, i can recall all the annoying things he did to me), but I’ll describe him as a reserved and conservative man. He will constantly tell us stories about what impatience and dishonesty did to so & so person. And he’ll conclude by telling us to not ‘chook eyes on other people’s things’. And even though i have fallen for the pressure to feel ‘entitled’ & have more (courtesy of the one time i dated a rich guy, kept broke friends with rich taste + i was earning a good pay at the time), i have noticed in my life that it is when i stepped out of my contentment zone, thats when i got into debt, got my heart broken or got into one trouble or the other… But the when i am genuinely grateful for all that i have in the moment no matter how little, thats when i feel at peace and not in a hurry with life. i just have that unexplained confidence that ‘not having something right now doesn’t mean i cant have it later’.
3. The need to work hard and be independent: while i believe that we all need each other to grow, i am aware that the term “being independent” has had a bad rep! My dad will always tell us not to ever rely on the idea that we had “this rich uncle” or “that rich cousin” that we can always call on. Well, he was right,and his death revealed all of that plus more…He was trying to encourage us to always work to earn something and be able to take care of our needs, and as usual i didn’t understand why untill after his death. For me it was bad because i use to have everything being provided for by my dad, so i unknowningly took that mindset into relationships and guys will tell me things like
You are too clingy Get a life a.k.a You are too available/needy Can you love me a little less? You’re choking me…
Honestly the pain i felt can only be detailed in a 3part series.
But when i got really frustrated, i started asking myself questions and also started assessing my thoughts & mindsets as it relats to how im showing up in relationships, and i was able to trace the root cause
>>> Lazy-Entitled-Daddy’s Girl.
And even though i worked hard, i was never independent and there is a difference – you can work really hard and still not be independent.
I have seen how the death of my dad affected my mum so bad that it was hard to start all over again. Seeing that inspired me to really get my acts together.
4.Attention To Details: Especially with money, my dad was a true economist. I always say that if my dad was alive during this “harsh economic times” i am certain we wont even be aware of the harsh times. When i started learning about saving, budgeting, and how to track my expenses, i came across phrases like ‘Have a 3-6 Month worth of living expenses saved up’ and then it hit me. Learn more
.. Wait, my dad was already doing this years ago. He had a saving culture that couldn’t be compromised. I remember in 2010 when my elder sister was to get married (yeah,,,the emotional one), the company my dad worked for had not paid him for months. Well my dad didn’t mention it to us untill the week of the wedding. He had savings + miraculously the company paid that week. So he had excess money…to save again ofcourse.
Till this day, i still miss my dad. And even though he’s not here with me, his smiles, legacies and life philosophy still lives in me…and i intend to pass that on to my Kids too. I’ll tell them so many stories i couldn’t share here, and also tell them that their grandfather was a SuperHero!
The average Nigerian parent can be annoying, but if you still have parents, treasure them, and take lots of pictures – Don’t be like me!
My Hero
Guest writer Biola Fagbemi (Bie)
Christian rapper and entrepreneur
Instagram @biepraise1
Facebook Bie.praise
Twitter @Biepraise
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